How do we make friends as adults? 

  • Therapy work to do around making friendships
    • Explore hesitancies, expectations, past experiences, social skills, etc. in order to feel better about putting self out there
    • “You have to be willing to initiate more than other people, make really specific plans, follow through, then repeat. For many people, finding people is not the problem, it’s the process and effort of turning an acquaintance into a friend.”
    • “You have to build comfort and memories in order for relationships to continue and feel better.”
    • Build communication skills, relationship skills, boundaries topics.
    • Explore their internal barriers that get in the way of them making friends. Are they subconsciously choosing the wrong people?
    • Explore attachment styles, abusive relationships, domestic violence… ability to bond with others… are they afraid to be abandoned, judged, criticized? What are their beliefs about people and the world? Do they have issues with trust, can they trust self and others? Were they bullied at school or home? Do they know how to be assertive and not aggressive? Are they able to be empathetic? How is their self-image, self-esteem? Is there something about them that might lead to them feeling judged or rejected? Any traumas? Do they have ADHD and find themselves interrupting others? Are they too self-conscious and feel threatened by others’ words?
    • Explore their tendencies for when in a new setting or out of their comfort zone.
    • How’s their motivation for wanting new friends? Get clear on what type of friends they want. What’s worked in the past? What are the barriers?
    • Assume positive intent, don’t things personally. Assess older friendships and why they ended or dissipated.
  • Online and app options:
    • Meetup
    • Senior Planet
    • Senior Orbit
    • AARP
    • Bumble BFF app, (the friend version)
    • Peanut app (like Bumble BFF for moms)
    • Facebook groups in the area, Neighborhood FB page, Local podcast FB groups
    • Gaming and Discord servers
  • Exploring shared interests, showing up in places you like to be
    • Take a lesson in…
    • Become a regular at your favorite….
    • If kids are in school, volunteer for committees
    • Support groups
    • Clubs (book, movie, walk/run/bike, )
    • 12-step programs
    • Professional groups
    • Alumni events
    • Community theater
    • Improv comedy class
    • Park
    • Church
    • sober orgs
    • Enroll in college or take classes in person
    • Join a gym
    • Go to events like art exhibits, concerts, festivals
    • Get a job
    • Travel the world
    • Join a choir or other musical group
    • Events at libraries
    • Activism
    • Dog parks
    • Festivals or special events
    • Coffeehouses
    • Adult classes at county colleges
    • Mom and baby exercise classes
    • Game nights
    • Hobby shops or spaces that offer board games
    • Geocaching
    • Book stores
    • Hiking groups
    • Kayaking groups
    • Animal shelters need volunteers to walk dogs, foster dogs
    • Genealogy groups
  • Books and other media
    • Book: Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World
    • Book: Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends
    • Book: Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud
    • Psychology Today blog post: How to Make Friends as an Adult
    • Ted Talk: Frientimacy: the three requirements of all healthy friendships
    • YouTube video: STOP doing THIS if you want to make friends as an adult.
  • Look close to home
    • Reconnect with old friends, acquaintances you thought could be more, classmates, cousins, neighbors (it’s easier to renew an old relationship than to form a new one)
    • Let family/friends know you are looking for friends and let them set you up.
    • Consider the people they spend time with now and proximity
    • Say hi or smile at someone in your neighborhood
    • Ask a more sociable friend to let you be a tagalong

Reach out to Amy Robbins Counseling to further explore this!