How to Repair a Sexless Marriage
Dry spells happen every now and then. That’s life. You’re tired after a long day. Work piles up. Maybe you have to wake up early in the morning. Whatever the reasoning, it’s life. Dry spells are more common than you may think, even in long-term relationships.
But when intimacy stops or disappears completely and stays gone, it can leave both partners in the relationship feeling sexually frustrated and even rejected. Not having sex in a relationship doesn’t mean that the love between the two people involved is gone; it just means that the relationship and the shared connection need a little extra TLC and attention. Below are some steps you can take to repair a sexless marriage.
Open and Honest Conversation
Communication is a key pillar of all types of healthy relationships. Before you jump to conclusions about why you aren’t being intimate, make sure you talk to one another first. Most of the time, a sexless marriage isn’t about the sex. Instead, the lack of sex can be tied to emotional distance, resentment, stress, or even a medical problem. Make sure you’re picking a time and a place that you both feel safe, secure, and calm. Check in with one another and ensure you’re keeping an open mind, being restful, and leading with gentleness.
Figure Out the Cause
There isn’t one cause or factor for a sexless marriage. Gaining a better understanding of what’s causing these problems or changes in your relationship can help you work on repairing them. These are some of the most common contributors to a sexless marriage:
- Emotional disconnect
- Mental health issues
- Exhaustion or fatigue
- Physical health issues
- Side effects of medication
- Stress
- Unresolved conflict
- Trauma
Get More Emotionally Intimate
When couples are with one another for long periods of time, the relationship can feel like it’s not moving forward or in any direction at all. It can even feel like you’ve just become roommates. If this happens with you and your partner, remember that emotional closeness can build physical closeness. Try to reconnect outside of the bedroom so that you can connect in the bedroom too. Go on more date nights, have deeper conversations, check in with each other during your day, or start a new ritual, routine, or hobby together.
Introduce Physical Touch Gradually
If you haven’t had sex in a while, you can’t just jump into it. Instead, take the time to rebuild your physical connection. This could mean giving one another a massage, holding hands, hugging, cuddling, or kissing one another without any expectations of anything happening beyond that. Physical touches should be pressure-free, safe, and mutual.
Be Patient
Make sure you’re being patient with yourself and your partner during this repair stage. Rebuilding intimacy takes time. There could be moments that are emotional, awkward, and you may even experience a few setbacks along the way. This is all completely normal. What matters the most during this time is that you each are showing up for one another with empathy, support, honesty, and the willingness to learn and grow together.
Seek Additional Support
If you and your partner are struggling with different areas of your relationship, including your intimacy levels or lack thereof, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional support. A mental professional, especially one with a background in sex therapy, will be able to provide a fresh, new perspective on your relationship that you and your partner may not have considered just yet.
Going to couples therapy isn’t a sign of failure or that your relationship is over. It’s a sign that you and your partner care about one another so strongly that you’re willing to do anything and everything you can to make it work. Reach out today to explore rebuilding a sexless marriage with the help of therapy.
