How to Talk About Difficult Things Without Alienating Your Family
Having tough conversations is never easy. But when those tough conversations involve family members, it can be easy for the conversation to turn a bit more emotional. Discussing tough topics with family can feel like preparing for a war zone.
Past mistakes, boundaries, and politics are today’s version of lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my! It can be challenging to discuss these topics without becoming emotional, tense, or escalating completely. Even though it may feel easier to completely avoid these conversations, especially with family members, this isn’t the answer either.
So, how are you supposed to be open and honest with your family without pushing them away? This is how to talk about difficult things without alienating your family.
Consider the Emotional Impact
When it comes to tough conversations, you want to ensure that you’re thinking before speaking, as well as taking some time to consider any emotional baggage that may arise. First, check yourself. Try to determine what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling this way. Being aware of your emotions can help you remain calm when the conversation starts. Try to keep an open mind when you’re talking. You can even try to put yourself in their shoes and try to understand where they’re coming from.
Timing Is Everything
Timing truly is everything. Try to choose and time a place where everyone involved in the conversation is relaxed. Instead of talking in front of a group of people, try to get a one-on-one conversation so that you both feel safe and can open up to one another. Before you set up a time to chat, make sure they’re aware it’s coming. This can give them enough time to prepare mentally before diving in.
Be Open and Honest
There’s a difference between being real and being rude. Be open, honest, and kind throughout the duration of the conversation. You can help this by being mindful of the statements you make. For example, you may want to consider sticking to “I” statements. These statements help the other person see where you’re coming from instead of feeling like you’re placing the blame on them. Another part of being open and honest is being able to stick to the issue at hand. It can be easy to let your emotions take the steering wheel, but bringing up past situations that you’re still not over won’t help anyone.
Set and Enforce Boundaries
Boundaries are what help to protect your overall mental health and wellness. But they can also come into play during tough conversations. No matter how hard you’re trying to keep things respectful, tough conversations can get messy. When you have boundaries, you’re able to take a step back and pause the conversation to regroup later instead of fighting through it. You’re also able to let them know what you’ll put up with versus what you won’t. For example, when yelling and screaming start to happen, you can take a step back and let them know that when they’re ready to chat in normal volumes and tones, you can continue the conversation.
Agree to Disagree
No matter how hard you go back and forth, you won’t always be on the same page. This can be frustrating, but it doesn’t have to be a complete deal-breaker for your relationship. Instead of focusing on winning, try to focus on understanding one another. You shouldn’t be fighting to win. You should be fighting to meet in the middle and to be respectful to one another. You don’t have to always be right, and neither do they. Compromise can be one of the greatest gifts for relationships.
Next Steps
You can talk about things without alienating your family. At times, this can be easier said than done, but these conversations don’t have to ruin your relationship. If you need extra support trying to navigate these tough topics of conversation, consider reaching out and asking about couples therapy or family therapy for additional support.
